Sex and sexual health

Foreplay includes all the things you do by yourself or with your partner to get aroused before sex. It can include kissing, touching, massaging, licking and sucking. You can explore different things that make you and your partner feel good.

Masturbation is when you touch yourself for sexual pleasure. This is a healthy and normal thing to do, whether you’re sexually active with other people or not.

Your sex drive is your desire to be sexual with others or by yourself. It’s normal for your sex drive to go up and down at different times in your life.

Arousal is your physical response to sex or sexual thoughts. When you feel aroused, more blood flows to the genitals, causing the labia, clitoris and upper vagina to swell.

Sexual arousal increases vaginal lubrication to help your body get ready for sex. Your vagina also expands and your heart rate and blood pressure rise.

Orgasm (climax) is when you reach the peak of sexual excitement. It’s also known as ‘coming’. When this happens, your body releases all the tension and excitement that has been building up.

Your heart may race and your breathing can become heavier and quicker. The muscles in your body, including your vagina, might spasm. You may feel contraction-like pulses in your abdominal area. This may be a little uncomfortable.

You might also feel intense pleasure around your genitals. Some people have increased clitoral sensitivity after an orgasm.

During orgasm, lots of feel-good chemicals (endorphins) are released. This might make you feel warm, happy and sleepy afterwards.

Males usually ejaculate (eject) fluid called semen when they orgasm. But females can also ejaculate fluid, which helps with lubrication.

You can orgasm with partners or by yourself through masturbation.

Orgasms are good for you. The hormones involved can improve your blood pressure and mood.

Not everyone has an orgasm each time they have sex. Some may experience very subtle orgasms or find it hard to orgasm (anorgasmia) but they can still enjoy the intimate experience.

Before we explore sexuality in more detail, it’s important to understand the difference between sex and gender.

Sex refers to the female or male genitals you are born with. These physical differences are due to genes that cause the body to develop in a certain way.

The sex you are assigned at birth is also known as presumed sex.

Gender means characteristics, behaviours and roles that societies understand to be female or male.

Your gender identity is how you feel about your gender. Your sex and gender identity do not have to be the same. For example, a person may be presumed female at birth but identify as a boy or man.

Gender identity is different for everyone. Some people think of their gender as female, male or both female and male.

Others choose not to define their gender.

Gender identity can also change. This is called being gender-fluid.

Sexual orientation is who you are attracted to. You may be attracted to the opposite sex or gender (heterosexual). Or you may be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, which includes people with diverse sexualities, genders and sex characteristics (physical features relating to sex).

Some people know their sexual orientation from the get-go. Others take time to figure it out. When you start to discover your sexuality, you don’t have to choose a ‘label’. The only thing that matters is that you are comfortable with your own sexuality.

LGBTQIA+ is an acronym that stands for:

Lesbian

A lesbian is generally a woman who is attracted to other women.

Gay

A gay (homosexual) person is attracted to people of the same gender as themselves.

Bisexual

A bisexual person is attracted to people of their own gender and other genders.

Transgender

Transgender means a person’s gender doesn’t align with their presumed sex at birth.

Queer

The term ‘queer’ may be used to describe diverse genders and sexualities.

Questioning

Questioning means a person is still questioning or deciding their gender or sexuality.

Intersex

Some people are born with genitals that are not defined as exclusively male or female. This is called intersex.

Asexual

An asexual person has little or no sexual attraction to others.

Plus (+)

Plus refers to people with diverse sexual identities who don’t identify with the above terms but consider themselves to be part of the LGBTQIA community.

Learn more about sex and gender on the following websites:

• ACON
• LGBTIQ+ Health Australia

A healthy sexuality is important for your overall health and wellbeing. It’s also a human right. You have the right to:

• enjoy healthy and safe sexual relationships
• access inclusive and safe health care services
• access clear information about sex and sexuality
• be safe from coercion and violence
• be respected and free from discrimination
• choose if or when you want children
• be free of diseases and other conditions that interfere with your ability to experience pleasure sexually.

There are many ways to have a healthy sexuality throughout your life. For example, you can:

• learn about your body and what feels good
• be open and honest about what you want in your sexual relationships, including your desires
• choose partners who respect you and care about your health
• understand your rights and responsibilities in sexual relationships
• decide what type of contraception is right for you
• take care of your sexual health (e.g. have regular sexual health checks)
• get help for any sexual problems.

Pornography (porn) is material that is used for sexual arousal. It includes videos, films, photographs, drawings and writing. Porn is easy to find on the internet, in movies and in magazines.

It can include nudity, different types of sexual activity and even sexual violence.

Research shows that porn can negatively impact your sexuality. It’s often the main source of sex education for young people and this can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex. This can result in bad sexual experiences and may even cause anxiety and fear about sex.

Porn can normalise unsafe vaginal and anal sex. Sometimes porn includes sexual violence, which may have an influence on violence against women.

Many people enjoy watching porn alone or with others and that’s okay. But it’s important to understand that porn is staged sex and it doesn’t usually reflect real life.

The media can also influence your sexuality and self-image. Sex is often shown in unrealistic ways on TV, in magazines, on social media, in movies and in ads.

Women are often portrayed in a sexualised way. And the media rarely reflects the diversity in our community. For example, different:

• cultures
• ages
• genders
• sexualities
• abilities
• body shapes.

TV and movies make sex seem effortless and perfect. These unrealistic scenes can make your real-life sexual experiences seem disappointing. In real life, it’s normal for sex to be awkward, messy and even funny.

It’s easy to compare your own sex life to what you see in the media. But the media doesn’t usually show the pressures and reality of everyday life and how that can affect your sexual experiences.

It helps to put things into perspective. Remember, much of what you see in the media is about selling products and services. It’s not real.

When women feel positive about their body and genitals (reproductive organs), it can have a positive impact on their sexuality. Female genitals vary in size, shape, length and colour. But images seen online are often heavily edited to make the vulva look symmetrical and, in some cases, childlike. This can cause some women to think they have abnormal genitals.

But guess what? Your genitals are perfectly fine exactly as they are. Check out the Labia Library online resource to see realistic images of female genitals and remind yourself that everyone is different.

Schools across Australia teach sex education. But the information may not be inclusive or relevant for some young people, for example, people with disabilities or people who identify as LGBTQIA+.

Research suggests that when young people are taught a range of sexual health topics across different grades and subject areas, it may lead to improved sexual, social, health and academic outcomes.

The way your family spoke (or didn’t speak) about sex can shape your ideas. Early experiences and experimentation can also affect how you think about sex.