Hear me when I say I’m in pain

By Zoe Simmons

Growing up, I believed if I was unwell, doctors would help me – but it wasn’t until I became disabled that I realised how far from the truth that belief is.

Ever since I got my first period, my pain has been dismissed.

Despite the fact that it felt like people were stabbing me and pouring acid into my abdomen, my teacher told me I was attention-seeking, forcing me to run laps. Doctors were no help – they just put me on The Pill and said my pain was normal, and I believed them.

Before long, my agonising abdominal pain began to appear outside of periods, with a host of other symptoms like bone pain, nerve pain, brain fog, nausea, and soul-crushing fatigue that’s so much more than being “a little bit tired” – it’s struggling to function and think.

Now, I’m in pain every single day. Sometimes, it’s so bad, I can’t walk, often needing my walking stick or wheelchair to move – especially when pesky pins and needles make my limbs go numb.

If I’m being perfectly honest with you, I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain anymore.

And yet, despite the severity of my symptoms, I – and many other people living with invisible illnesses – have to constantly battle with our medical system to be heard and cared for.

It’s been five years since I began searching for answers. And during that time, I have seen countless GPs and specialists, many of whom have either dismissed my pain, or refused to investigate it.

I’ve had to beg for every blood test, ultrasound, scan and surgery, because medical professionals seem content with telling me: “we don’t know what’s wrong with you”.

I’ve heard so many excuses, from “more tests will just make you more anxious” to “we don’t need to know what’s happening, your treatment will still be the same”. Just this week, my pelvic MRI request has been rejected, because my last ultrasound didn’t show endometriosis – but isn’t that the point of further testing?

It enrages me to know that millions of people experience the exact same gaslighting and diminishing everyday – especially for conditions like adenomyosis, fibromyalgia, and myalgic encephalomyelitis that mainly affect people with a uterus. Conditions that tend to be swept under the rug, with sufferers thrown into the “too hard” basket, because not enough is known about them.

It’s not good enough.

We shouldn’t have to battle to be heard. It shouldn’t be a war to get our symptoms taken seriously.

Our pain might be invisible, but it’s just as valid as any visible disability.

Believe us.

About Zoe

Zoe Simmons is a journalist, copywriter and author who writes to make a difference in the world. Since she lives with mental illness, chronic pain and chronic fatigue, advocacy is a key part of everything she does. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn, or visit her website for more.

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