We didn’t talk much about periods growing up, but that’s changing – Ruby’s story

When I got my first period, I felt embarrassed

I was born and raised in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates, and there wasn’t any sexual education at school.

I was around 12 or 13 years old when my period first started. We had discussed the matter before and I had some information, so I felt reassured but I also remember feeling a mix of fear, shyness and embarrassment. I was crying and asked my mother for help, and of course she reassured me, but we didn’t go into much detail.

At home, I don’t have clear memories of my mother sitting me down to talk about my developing body or what to expect as I grew into a woman. In our culture, topics related to women’s bodies were often considered private. We sometimes use the word ‘aeeb’, which loosely translates to something being too rude to discuss openly.

It wasn’t that my mother wasn’t supportive. It was more that these conversations simply weren’t part of everyday family life.

Looking back, I don’t think there was anything anyone did wrong. The embarrassment I felt probably came from the wider attitudes around me, where certain topics were simply not spoken about openly. If I could go back in time, I would want to hear my mother’s story about how she got her period, how she felt and maybe go out together once a month to connect and celebrate.

Some things were considered ‘women’s business’

In our family, things related to periods or women’s bodies were usually considered ‘women’s business’.

My father wasn’t involved in those conversations, and even now as an adult I would still feel very uncomfortable talking with him about anything related to my body or sexual health.

That’s something many women from similar cultural backgrounds may recognise.

It’s not necessarily about shame – it’s more about privacy and respect around certain topics.

Over time, it became something we shared

Even though the initial conversation about my period was brief, my mother was supportive in other ways as I got older.

She helped normalise using pads and would often comfort me when I had cramps. She would make cinnamon and sage tea, which became a small ritual between us. Those moments actually became a kind of bonding experience.

It showed me that even when conversations are short, care and support can still be communicated in other ways.

Cultural beliefs also shaped some decisions

The truth is that talking about periods in Syrian society, which is similar to many other Arab societies, is often avoided. People don’t usually talk about the symptoms, changes in the body or why menstruation happens. It’s a topic many people feel uncomfortable discussing openly.

When I was younger, there were also strong beliefs in our community about certain menstrual products. For example, many people believed that using tampons could cause someone to lose their hymen. This belief was shared by friends, family friends among who were GPs, given the value the Arabic culture places on preserving one’s virginity particularly in relation to women. I know now that using tampons has no impact on your virginity.

Conversations between generations can change

Growing up, my mum Mary was always very involved in the Arabic community in Melbourne, and like many families, cultural traditions shaped the way certain topics were spoken about.

Now that I’m an adult, our conversations are much more open than they were when I was younger. We talk about many topics without barriers, including health and wellbeing.

Looking back, I can see that each generation does the best they can with the information and cultural norms they have at the time. What’s important is that those conversations keep evolving.

From my mum’s perspective, those cultural expectations were also something she had to navigate as a parent. When I was growing up, these beliefs were widely accepted in our community and influenced the advice many mothers gave their daughters. I could see that even when my mum wanted to talk to me about periods, some of those cultural norms made her feel embarrassed.

But despite that, she chose to have those conversations anyway. As a parent, her concern for my health and her desire for me to have accurate information always came first.

She wanted me to know that getting your period is something to be proud of – that it’s a natural sign of being healthy, not something to hide.