Lee-Anne on how menopause can bring partners closer

I feel like I’m one of the many women who suffer quite intensely from menopausal symptoms.

But when you’re busy caring for children and older parents, it’s hard to look out for or notice the changes that sneak up.  

These days, women over 50 are not ‘old’. We’re still often raising children, working full time, running a household and more.

I feel fortunate that my circumstances meant I could prioritise my own needs, but cost has been a barrier. I’ve spent a lot of money trying different medications to help ease my hot flushes and other symptoms like insomnia, psoriasis and joint aches.

For a long time, I felt like I was doing everything right. I was eating healthy, I was exercising, I was trying to sleep well but still these symptoms kept piling on. It was frustrating.

It wasn’t until I slowed down and tried simpler things – meditation to help with stress, linen clothing to help the hot flushes and doing my own research about symptoms – that I found my rhythm.  

Sharing the ups and downs

Talking to my husband about the menopausal changes that I’ve been experiencing has been a helpful way to have someone else remind me that I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I’ve been very open and honest with him about the symptoms I’ve been feeling, emotionally and physically, and through that openness and honesty he's been able to support me. The support he gives me can be anything from just hearing me trying to explain what I’m feeling to giving me a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

My husband and I now do regular check ins. Those conversations might come about when we’re out for a walk, on a date night or having a coffee on the deck.

We ask each other: "Where are we up to? How are we feeling?”

We both come from an era where you aren’t supposed to talk about ‘those things’ with your spouse, but we chose to be together, we chose to share our life together, and with that comes everything.

Having someone that I know I can turn to and say “today is a good day or today is a bad day” is really helpful.  

If something isn’t working, don’t suffer through it alone. 

Easing the stress and tension

There was one time where I caught myself power-walking to the shops. I stopped and thought, what am I doing? I didn’t have anywhere to be afterwards.

It really struck me as a moment to pause and question. Why was I continuing to live and work at a certain pace just because that is what I had always done? It was habit.

I thought I was managing stress well – even living without it – but the reality was I was living at a level of stress that I had gotten so used to, I didn’t even notice it.

Then I realised I was holding onto stresses that weren’t even mine.

I had been holding onto other people’s stress and bringing problems home from work that I needed to learn to let go of.

Once I realised that I was continuing this pace, but I didn’t need to, I allowed myself to slow down, and stopped pushing myself and filling all my time with being busy.

There’s been a lot of challenges to come out of menopause, but a lot of positives too.