Talking to your kids about periods before they happen

In Australia, most girls get their first period around age 12 or 13. However, periods can start as early as 9 years old – and your child might start asking questions even before then.

They might ask about the tampons in the bathroom cupboard, or they might see someone mention their period on TV. They could also see you, an older sibling or other trusted adults managing their period.

You might not know how to respond straight away, or you might worry about which words to use or what age to start talking about periods. That’s OK – we’re here to help.

This article includes tips and advice for having helpful conversations and normalising periods early.

Why it’s important to start talking about periods early

Whether you have periods yourself or not, your child will likely look to you to help demystify information and normalise changes in their body.

Having early conversations can help reduce shame and stigma. It can also help both you and your child plan for period care and have more open conversations in the future.

Nurse and sexual health educator ​​Vanessa Hamilton says you can “use teachable moments that are around you all the time to start very early – before their first periods happens to them and their peers.”

“Ask them what they already know, and then give them simple, age-appropriate information,” she says.

Using age-appropriate language

Age-appropriate simply means using clear explanations, suited to their stage of development. This can support children to understand periods as a normal part of becoming a teenager and young adult.

Think about one empowering message you would like them to take away. It might be something like: Periods are a normal part of growing up, and we can talk about them whenever you want.

Keep it simple and remember you’re building background knowledge for future conversations.

Here are some conversations tips and suggestions to keep in mind.

Conversation tips

• Use correct, simple words (e.g. uterus, vagina, period). Saying ‘hoo ha’ or ‘your bits’, for example, doesn’t help them separate fact from fiction. Vanessa says that using nicknames is also fine, as long as they know the correct names as well.
• Keep it neutral and reassuring – you might simply say, “Some people get periods,” to keep it light, matter of fact and general in early conversations.
• Answer their questions, pause and then ask them what else they know about the topic. This helps to give your child space to lead the conversation. It also helps you to understand what they have heard elsewhere or what they already know.
• Let your child know they can ask you again later. This helps kids know you’re available for any follow-up questions. You could say, “You can ask me anything, even if you think it is rude or private.”

Conversation suggestions

• “Some bodies have a special place for a baby to grow – it’s called a uterus.”
• “When girls grow up, they can get a period once a month. A period is when some blood comes out of the vagina.”
• “Getting a period is a normal body process. It’s not the same as an injury.”
• “Periods usually happen for the first time when people are in grade 4, 5 or 6, or in high school.”

Helpful framing

• “It’s one of the ways bodies change as they grow towards becoming adults.”
• “Different bodies do different things. Bodies with ovaries are born with eggs. Bodies with testicles start producing sperm at puberty.”

Remember to keep it short and stay on topic – you don’t need to cover off everything in one conversation. But keep an open space for comments and questions.

Set them up to succeed

Depending on your child’s preferences, you might talk to them about leaving a first period kit in their school bag, just in case. You can explain how to use it and look out for brands that include diagrams and simple instructions – you can even open the products at home for them to practice with.

You know your child and how they are likely to respond. Some kids are curious, others get nervous around change. Try to go at their pace.

The first time you talk to your children about periods doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s just a starting point.

“Some kids won’t ask questions at all,” says Vanessa, “So you’ve got to be on the front foot. Who do you want to be the person who delivers this information to your child?”

Use empowering language about the future, so they know you will help them prepare. It’s important to have these early conversations to reduce fear and confusion. That way, they can be better prepared.

Conversation suggestions

• “When the time comes, we’ll make sure you have what you need.”
• “You can always talk to me or another adult you trust.”
• “There’s no rush to understand everything at once.”

Remember that this conversation will be one of many. You are giving them the basics and normalising changes.

Learn more about age-appropriate conversations

• Talk soon. Talk often. A guide for parents talking to their kids about relationships and sex
• Raising Children Network – Parent guide to talking about sex
• Talking The Talk – 10 top tips for conversations with kids about sex and sexuality