Talking periods in rainbow families

I often see parents, co-parents and carers wondering how to start conversations about body changes in ways that feel affirming and aligned.

If you, your partner or your child identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, you might be thinking about periods through a lens that doesn’t always fit with mainstream narratives.

When your child’s period does come, or when you start talking about the possibility, it’s important for you and your family to feel supported and affirmed.

Here are some tips I share with rainbow families to help these conversations feel authentic and flexible.

Find affirming care

Some rainbow families have 2 mums who have experience of their own periods. Others might have 2 dads, one parent or gender-diverse caregivers.

Some families have queer young people who might see getting their period as a distressing moment that doesn’t align with their gender identity.

There are GPs, therapists and other health practitioners who identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community or consider themselves to be allies.

I encourage families to look for inclusive practitioners who can help them navigate period care and conversations. This can be particularly helpful if you are someone who hasn’t had periods yourself or doesn’t know where to start.

I let folks know they can call a clinic’s reception ahead of making an appointment. You can ask if there are any GPs with experience working with your family structure.

Once you are in the appointment, you might want to:

• Share your pronouns and those of your young person. You can also let them know if you or your child have preferred names and if this differs from what might be on medical records or birth certificates.
• Ask about period care options. What is available? What is important to know about how they are used?
• Ask if they know any local LGBTQIA+ organisations or meet ups for young people or parents. The council might also have this information on their website.

Most states or territories in Australia also have community organisations who specialise in LGBTQIA+ health.

Engaging with these services can also be a good way to find resources for yourself and young people that are made by community and likely to be affirming of different genders and sexualities.

Finding affirming care partners can help you feel prepared for when conversations come up about periods and puberty. It can also help you make decisions early about how you want to talk about these topics with your child.

Tell your own story

Periods can be a highly gendered topic. You might find resources that don’t reflect how you or your child identifies.

While many resources mention sex and pregnancy, this might not be reflective of how you conceived your child.

It can be helpful to think, what role did hormonal changes, periods and pregnancies fit into how they came to be in the world? Were donors or surrogates involved?

Using medically-correct terminology (for example, sperm, eggs) can help explain how children are made in a way that makes sense for your family, and sets you up for explaining how periods fit into that.

Talk to your partner, co-parent or other caregivers about how puberty and periods fit into your family’s story and how you would like that conveyed to your young people.

There are also books for children about LGBTQIA+ family-making that can also be helpful to read together, or share with other people involved in their care.

Maybe choose to write something together or draw a picture that reflects your family. With consent, try talking about who has got their period in your immediate or chosen family and see if your child asks questions.

Keep adding to your child’s knowledge about periods over time, so it doesn’t feel too overwhelming, and keep growing your family story together.

Learn from community

One thing I often encourage parents to do is start exploring the topic early and learning from their community.

If you are part of a rainbow family playgroup or parenting group, you might chose to speak to other parents who are a little bit ahead in their journey.

You might ask:

• How did they talk to their kids about periods?
• What have they learned from the process?
• When did they start their conversations?
• What questions have their children asked?

Not everyone will feel comfortable sharing how their child responded to conversations and that’s OK.

But it can be helpful for parents and caregivers to share knowledge and for your child to see people they trust talking about periods. This helps to normalise the topic.

Sharing your feelings and getting reassurance from other folks in the community can be a helpful reminder that you also aren’t alone in this.

Every family is different and the decisions each family makes will be different. You might also want to talk to their teacher so they feel supported at school.

When you approach periods with curiosity, openness and support, young people are more likely to feel safe asking questions and learning about their bodies over time.