How to talk to your child about periods

Teaching kids about periods doesn’t have to be daunting. But if no one talked openly about them when you were growing up, you may feel awkward and unprepared when the time comes to educate your own child.

As a registered nurse and sexual health educator, I’ve helped lots of parents, carers and educators navigate conversations about periods. Here are my top tips.

Be the main person to educate your child and start talking early

One of the questions I often ask parents is: Where do you want your child to get their sexual health information?

Children get their education from the world around them, including their friends, the internet, advertising and movies. Not all of it is accurate. But if you are your child’s main source of information, you can help steer their education in the right direction.

This means positioning yourself as the tellable, askable adult they need you to be. Try to talk to your child before their first period – and before any friends or peers get their periods too. In Australia, the first period can happen as early as age 9 and as late as 16. But it usually starts at age 12 or 13.

Don’t wait for your child to ask questions, because some kids won’t ever bring the topic up. And remember: when children receive age-appropriate, accurate information from a young age, they have much better sexual and reproductive health long term.

Talk about more than just periods

Think of period and sexual health education as lots of age-appropriate chats you have with your child over many years.

Through these chats, you can cover different but related topics like the correct names of body parts (for example, vagina, vulva, scrotum, penis), growing bodies, respectful relationships, body safety and reproduction.

If your child already knows about sex and reproduction, it will make talking about periods much easier. If they don’t know, don’t worry – it’s never too late to start talking. Read my 10 top tips for talking with kids about sex or explore Talk often. Talk soon, a guide for parents produced by the Government of WA.

When talking to your child, you may like to explain:

• when the first period usually starts
• how long a period can last and how often they happen
• how it can feel before and during a period
• how to use and dispose of period products.

Take a positive approach

For too long, periods have been seen as dirty, taboo and unsafe to talk about. To help change this, try to avoid reacting with embarrassment, disapproval or anger when the topic comes up. Instead, point out how amazing the human body is. You could say things like:

• “That’s a great question! What do you know about periods?”
• “I’m so glad you asked me that. Let me think about my answer for a few minutes.”
• “Bodies with a vagina and ovaries are born with all of their eggs. Isn’t that amazing?”

A positive approach doesn’t mean dismissing the hard bits. Having periods can be uncomfortable, inconvenient and even unbearable for some people and it’s important your child doesn’t suffer in silence. Just try not to use language that feeds a fear or shame approach to periods.

Use teachable moments

These are all around you – in ads, the supermarket and maybe even your own bathroom. They can help you spark conversations and are a good opportunity to call out incorrect messages. You could say something like:

• “So good to see period products freely available here in the public toilet. After all, tampons and pads are just as necessary as toilet paper!”
• “I’ve put some pads in the top drawer in the bathroom, in case a visitor needs them.”

Expect the unexpected

When you talk to your child about periods, they may not react as you expected. Some kids are eager to learn, but others are apprehensive or avoid talking.

Try to acknowledge any discomfort. You could say:

“I can see that you’re uncomfortable, so we can stop talking about this for now. Let’s think of a way that I can give you this information later.”

Your child might respond better to educational books or videos.

Some parents also find it helpful to remove the words ‘you’ and ‘I’ from the conversation. So instead of:

“To use the sanitary pad, you stick it in your undies.”

You could say:

“Some people use pads. To do this, they unwrap the pad, peel off the label and stick it in their undies like this … ”

If your child has a very strong negative reaction, ask yourself what might be causing it and do some research for yourself.

Involve the whole family

If you’ve got a few kids of different ages and a question comes up when you’re all together, take advantage of the opportunity to educate your whole family. The trick is to give a baseline of information that will suit your youngest child. Later, take your older child aside and provide more detail.

If your family has a mix of genders, talk to them all about periods. It will help build empathy and reduce shame.

And remember – you’ve got this.

Vanessa Hamilton is the founder of Talking The Talk: Healthy Sexuality Education and the author of Talking Sex: A conversation guide for parents. She has more than 25 years’ experience as a sexual health nurse and educator.