When Bev entered perimenopause, there was already a lot going on – with her health and life in general. It was a rough ride but, the childcare worker says there were plenty of bright bits.
I’m turning 60 this year, and looking back, it’s hard to believe just how much I’ve been through – especially during that stretch from my mid-40s onwards.
At the time, I was running a crèche and my body and mood were starting to change, but I had no idea why. I found myself slowly sinking into depression. Meanwhile, my husband was preparing for open heart surgery. It really was everything all at once.
I didn’t know it at the time, but that stage marked the start of perimenopause.
By the time I hit 51, my periods had stopped completely. But in the lead-up, they were unpredictable, inconsistent and exhausting.
I felt like I was stuck in this frozen haze – not sad exactly, just blank. Fogginess, forgetfulness, just this sense that I was muddling through the day.
I was still doing everything I needed to do to get through work, but inside I felt awful. This was before I started medication for depression, back when I didn’t have a name for what I was going through, just a growing sense that something wasn’t right.
The one thing that made a real difference for me was talking. Once I started opening up, I realised I wasn’t alone.
At work, other women started sharing their stories too and suddenly we were all in it together.
That solidarity – just knowing you’re not the only one feeling foggy, flat or overwhelmed – made the world of difference.
Health professionals have helped me too, at least most of the time. I’ll admit, my experience with the health system has been mixed, but I’ve learned how important it is to speak up and advocate for myself. If I want to know about my bone health, I ask about it. If I want to explore another path, I push for that too.
I had an appointment with a younger doctor recently and was pleasantly surprised. They didn’t pretend to know it all. They listened, took me seriously and referred me to the right specialists. That kind of openness and willingness to collaborate made everything easier.
The secret is to not take yourself too seriously and to get a good network of support around you."
Bev on coping during the messy times
In fact, there have been many moments that have filled me with joy during my menopause journey. I had a big 50th birthday party and was delighted that over 50 friends came to celebrate. I had wonderful holidays to New Zealand, New Caledonia and Tasmania. The biggest joy though has been seeing my daughters grow into amazing people.
Menopause and everything that comes with it stirs up all kinds of things – physically, emotionally and mentally.
It can feel overwhelming if you’re trying to make sense of it on your own. I’ve realised the secret is to not take yourself too seriously and to get a good network of support around you.
Try to remember that thoughts – even the horrible, scary ones – are just passing through. They don’t define us. I’ve learned to let them go.
This phase of life, while messy and hard at times, also has so many precious moments.
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