Healthy relationships
Health topics Sex and sexual health Healthy relationships Learn more about healthy relationships, consent, signs of an unhealthy relationship and where to get help. Print / PDF What is a healthy sexual relationship? New relationships Consent Sexting and nudes What is an unhealthy sexual relationship? Where to get help Reviewed For the most updated information on this topic, please visit jeanhailes.org.au Key takeaways A healthy relationship includes respect, safety, trust and open communication. Consent is important – it means you agree to have sex or do something sexual with someone. There are many things you can do to have safe and healthy sexual relationships. If you’re in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, there are support services Sections on this page What is a healthy sexual relationship? New relationships Consent Sexting and nudes What is an unhealthy sexual relationship? Where to get help Print / PDF Key takeaways A healthy relationship includes respect, safety, trust and open communication. Consent is important – it means you agree to have sex or do something sexual with someone. There are many things you can do to have safe and healthy sexual relationships. If you’re in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, there are support services What is a healthy sexual relationship? Sex can be any kind of activity that one or more people do to feel sexually excited. It’s broader than intercourse (penetrative sex). Sexual relationships are different for everyone. For example, you might prefer to have a relationship with one person or you may like to have casual relationships with different people. Having sex with someone is a personal decision. Only you know what type of sexual relationship is right for you. A healthy sexual relationship involves: trust and respect between the people in the relationship consent open and honest communication about the type of relationship you want, how much sex you want and what you do and don’t enjoy open discussions about contraception taking precautions to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) ensuring the physical and emotional safety of your partner or partners caring and checking in with your partner during and after sex. It’s normal for relationships to change over time and it’s important to discuss any issues with your partner, like: life pressures changing bodies fluctuating sex drive (libido). New relationships Starting a new relationship can feel overwhelming at any age or stage of life. You may experience a range of emotions, from being nervous to excited. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, it’s easy to get swept up in all the ‘fuzzy feelings’. But trusting your feelings alone can be risky. It’s important to: understand what you want out of the relationship pay attention to any ‘red flags’ (early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship) before leaping in. Learn more about safer sex Consent Consent means you agree to have sex or do something sexual, including kissing and intimate touching. There are many ways you or your partner can ask for consent. For example: Are you comfortable right now? Is it okay if I … ? Is that okay? Are you alright? Do you want to keep going? How far do you want to go? What are you comfortable with? Is there anything you don’t want to do? Are you sure you want me to do this? Do you want me to stop? You can give consent by saying yes or telling the other person to keep going. You can also use body language, but make sure the other person knows you are giving consent. Remember, you don’t have to do something if you don’t want to. And you can always change your mind. You can say: No, I don’t want to. Please stop. Not right now. I don’t feel comfortable. It’s important for people to consent every time they have sex or do other sexual activities. This applies even if you are in a long-term relationship. It’s important to check in – don’t just assume consent. Consent can’t be given in certain situations. For example, if a person is: unconscious or asleep under the influence of drugs or alcohol being threatened or intimidated afraid of being hurt if they don’t agree misled about the sexual activity. Watch this video about consent: It’s as simple as tea. Credit: Emmeline May and Blue Seat studios. Sexting and nudes Sometimes people use their mobile phones or the internet to ask for and share sexual messages, images or videos. This is called sexting. Images where someone is naked, partly naked, posing sexually or doing a sexual act are called nudes. People might send these images for different reasons. For example, to be fun and flirty or to get someone to like them. While sexting may seem harmless, there are some risks involved. It’s important to understand these so you can protect yourself and people you have relationships with. Once sexual images have been shared it’s hard to get them back. It’s also easy for people to share the images or post them online without your consent. This is called image-based abuse. It can include: revenge porn – when someone shares your images with other people sexual extortion – when someone tricks you into sharing nudes or other sexual content and then threatens to share it if you don’t pay them (this is also known as blackmail or sextortion) sexual grooming – when someone tricks you into thinking you’re in a relationship so you can do sex acts together (e.g. when someone is underage or there is a power imbalance). What is an unhealthy sexual relationship? It can be hard to tell if you are in an unhealthy sexual relationship. Signs may include: lack of communication lack of trust jealousy excessive anger physical or verbal abuse. It’s important to pay attention to ‘red flags’. For example, if your partner: tries to control what you do and who you see threatens or frightens you uses their power to manipulate you makes you feel worthless or bad about yourself pressures, tricks or forces you to have sex when you don’t want to (this is also known as sexual coercion) tries to control your reproduction (this is also known as reproductive coercion). Where to get help If you have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, or feel unsafe in your relationship, you can get help. If you’re in immediate danger, call 000 and ask for the police. It’s your choice if you want to make a police report. For specialist support, you can visit 1800RESPECT or call 1800 737 732. You can also find a national sexual assault services directory on the National Association of Services Against Sexual Violence website. It’s important to get medical help as soon as possible after an assault. You can do this at a hospital or health care centre. Personal stories about sex and sexual health Story I got a sexually transmitted infection at 51: I’m devastated 6 min Story Menopause took my sex drive – we need to talk about it 4 min Story ‘I wanted to have sex but it was physically impossible’: Life with severe vaginismus 5 min Review process Our review process This information has been reviewed by clinical experts and is based on the latest evidence. Our content review process ensures our health information is accurate, trustworthy, current and useful. We regularly check our information to make sure it reflects the latest clinical guidelines and key findings from large, reliable studies. Where possible, we focus on Australian research to make our information more relevant locally. Experts play a key role in reviewing our content. Clinicians at Jean Hailes check information for accuracy and real‑world relevance. These include GPs, gynaecologists, endocrinologists, psychologists and allied health professionals. We also work with partner organisations, independent specialists and people with lived experience to make sure our content reflects both expert knowledge and the experiences of the community. Health information in your language view all You might want to know more about Topic Enjoying your sex life Topic Painful sex (dyspareunia) Topic Safer sex and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) Topic Sex and sexual health Abortion • Contraception • Enjoying your sex life • Healthy relationships • Painful sex (dyspareunia) • Safer sex and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) • What can affect your sex life?

Healthy relationships

Learn more about healthy relationships, consent, signs of an unhealthy relationship and where to get help.

Print / PDF

Reviewed

Key takeaways

A healthy relationship includes respect, safety, trust and open communication.
Consent is important – it means you agree to have sex or do something sexual with someone.
There are many things you can do to have safe and healthy sexual relationships.
If you’re in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, there are support services

Key takeaways

A healthy relationship includes respect, safety, trust and open communication.
Consent is important – it means you agree to have sex or do something sexual with someone.
There are many things you can do to have safe and healthy sexual relationships.
If you’re in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship, there are support services

What is a healthy sexual relationship?

Sex can be any kind of activity that one or more people do to feel sexually excited. It’s broader than intercourse (penetrative sex).

Sexual relationships are different for everyone. For example, you might prefer to have a relationship with one person or you may like to have casual relationships with different people.

Having sex with someone is a personal decision. Only you know what type of sexual relationship is right for you.

A healthy sexual relationship involves:

trust and respect between the people in the relationship
consent
open and honest communication about the type of relationship you want, how much sex you want and what you do and don’t
enjoy
open discussions about contraception
taking precautions to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
ensuring the physical and emotional safety of your partner or partners
caring and checking in with your partner during and after sex.

It’s normal for relationships to change over time and it’s important to discuss any issues with your partner, like:

life pressures
changing bodies
fluctuating sex drive (libido).

New relationships

Starting a new relationship can feel overwhelming at any age or stage of life. You may experience a range of emotions, from being nervous to excited.

When you meet someone you’re attracted to, it’s easy to get swept up in all the ‘fuzzy feelings’. But trusting your feelings alone can be risky. It’s important to:

understand what you want out of the relationship
pay attention to any ‘red flags’ (early warning signs of an unhealthy relationship) before leaping in.

Learn more about safer sex

Consent

Consent means you agree to have sex or do something sexual, including kissing and intimate touching.

There are many ways you or your partner can ask for consent. For example:

Are you comfortable right now?
Is it okay if I … ?
Is that okay?
Are you alright?
Do you want to keep going?
How far do you want to go?
What are you comfortable with?
Is there anything you don’t want to do?
Are you sure you want me to do this?
Do you want me to stop?

You can give consent by saying yes or telling the other person to keep going. You can also use body language, but make sure the other person knows you are giving consent.

Remember, you don’t have to do something if you don’t want to. And you can always change your mind. You can say:

No, I don’t want to.
Please stop.
Not right now.
I don’t feel comfortable.

It’s important for people to consent every time they have sex or do other sexual activities. This applies even if you are in a long-term relationship. It’s important to check in – don’t just assume consent.

Consent can’t be given in certain situations. For example, if a person is:

unconscious or asleep
under the influence of drugs or alcohol
being threatened or intimidated
afraid of being hurt if they don’t agree
misled about the sexual activity.

Watch this video about consent: It’s as simple as tea.
Credit: Emmeline May and Blue Seat studios.

Sexting and nudes

Sometimes people use their mobile phones or the internet to ask for and share sexual messages, images or videos. This is called sexting. Images where someone is naked, partly naked, posing sexually or doing a sexual act are called nudes.

People might send these images for different reasons. For example, to be fun and flirty or to get someone to like them.

While sexting may seem harmless, there are some risks involved. It’s important to understand these so you can protect yourself and people you have relationships with.

Once sexual images have been shared it’s hard to get them back. It’s also easy for people to share the images or post them online without your consent. This is called image-based abuse. It can include:

revenge porn – when someone shares your images with other people
sexual extortion – when someone tricks you into sharing nudes or other sexual content and then threatens to share it if you don’t pay them (this is also known as blackmail or sextortion)
sexual grooming – when someone tricks you into thinking you’re in a relationship so you can do sex acts together (e.g. when someone is underage or there is a power imbalance).

What is an unhealthy sexual relationship?

It can be hard to tell if you are in an unhealthy sexual relationship. Signs may include:

lack of communication
lack of trust
jealousy
excessive anger
physical or verbal abuse.

It’s important to pay attention to ‘red flags’. For example, if your partner:

tries to control what you do and who you see
threatens or frightens you
uses their power to manipulate you
makes you feel worthless or bad about yourself
pressures, tricks or forces you to have sex when you don’t want to (this is also known as sexual coercion)
tries to control your reproduction (this is also known as reproductive coercion).