8 February 2012:

Gentlemen, if your sex life isn't as active as it used to be, doing the dishes, taking out the rubbish and helping out with those routine household chores may help.

Buying her flowers, writing love letters, organising a night out for just the two of you, providing plenty of hugs and kisses, and saying 'I love you' are also 'desire enhancers' that can help younger women overcome a flagging libido, says Dr Rosie King, sex therapist and educator with Jean Hailes for Women's Health.

Australian research suggests around 55 per cent of women experience low libido at some point in their life and women under the age of 40 are no exception, says Dr King.

"Every younger woman will have low libido at some time – maybe because she is unwell, or her relationship is going through a rocky patch or she has a young baby or is breastfeeding. Any stress such as money problems or trouble at work can also have an impact. If you are struggling in any area of life you can expect your libido to go down," says Dr King.

"Typically the late 20s and early 30s are when women are settling down and having children and this tends to disrupt a couple's sex life. A lot of couples are totally unprepared for this. Couples say a new baby will simply fit in and it does - right between the two of them! Fatigue is a huge issue for women with young children and a tired woman is not a sexy woman."

This drop in female libido can be a shock – particularly after a couple has enjoyed 'limerence'. This is the stage early in a relationship when female libido is at its highest and it usually lasts from 12 to 18 months.

"When we first fall in love there is a change in the neurochemicals in the brain that enhance sexual desire in women. You get an increase in the desire- enhancing hormones – noradrenaline and dopamine – and a decrease in the desire-inhibiting neurochemical – serotonin. As a result, lust levels peak at this time," explains Dr King.

"Also, during this early infatuation period, female desire enhancers are operating in full force – it's a romantic time when women get plenty of kisses and cuddles, quality time with their beloved, and there's usually a low level of conflict."

Women experience a surge in libido every time they fall in love. But moving in together, marriage and the arrival of a baby can drop a woman's sex drive, causing a desire discrepancy. He wants sex more often than she does, causing conflict and unhappiness.

Dr King says men can help revive their partner's libido by doing what they did in the early part of their relationship on a regular basis.

"Typically, a man is always at boiling point when it comes to sex because he has 10 to 20 times more testosterone than a woman which boosts his sex drive. He doesn't need much help to keep his desire going. But women need to be kept simmering," says Dr King.

"She needs her desire enhancers in quantity and quality. A man can't bring home a bunch of flowers after six months of ignoring her and expect her to jump into bed. He'll have to put in continuous effort to keep the woman simmering.

"So he needs to bring back the romance – flowers, affection that doesn't have to lead to sex, giving her a massage, kind words, lovely evenings out and don't forget all that important domestic support. Help with the house and kids can make a woman feel much more sexually generous.

"A lot of women feel abandoned once children come along and that builds resentment. Apart from fatigue, resentment is probably the most powerful passion killer of all. So a man who helps around the house is a prize!"

Love and libido tips:

• Agree to try and find solutions in your relationship, rather than fighting over things.
• Do things you enjoy together and increase the desire enhancers in your relationship.
• Have sex that is enjoyable for both of you. Women need to be enticed and not rushed into having sex.
• Be prepared for changes in libido. It fluctuates depending on what is going on in your life and relationship and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.
• If you are worried about your libido, talk to your GP or ask for a referral to someone who specialises in sex therapy.

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For media

To interview Dr Rosie King please contact Aleeza Zohar, Communications Manager on (03) 9562 6771 or 0425 758 729 or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it